La Douleur Agréable, is a French phrase which literally means “the pleasurable pain”. Like an aphrodisiac, the paradigm shift of pain as something unpleasant has turned into the drive that makes the intimacy into a higher pace. Little do some people know that the pleasure beyond the pain is not only found on a sexual intercourse, but can be the living breath of the entire relationship. Let us go beyond the superficial sadism and masochism, and try to look into how it drives a typical Cebuana’s relationship.

As others may say that this type of relationship can be uncommon and too unorthodox, we are simply blind that we ourselves are experiencing the said intimacy right under our nose. For a concrete example, I was trying to pacify a friend named Ana who was not so well with her current relationship. She had this pattern to purposely amplify the emotions into a gazillion times, as she tried to submit herself with the relationship as she drowns herself into her own puddle of tears. In every relationship, she had this masochistic way of dealing with her own relationships, and she was indeed a good example of a masochist. It was a complete paradox of having the relationship while embracing all the negativity and the sadness as much as possible.

On the other hand, my friend Sam was a complete hundred eighty degrees, as she has her own little games of herself just to create a little spice up with her boyfriend. This game she had is definitely emotionally devastating, and causes lots of fights within the relationship. Then she said, “what’s hotter than a make-up sex?”. Then I found myself a living and breathing example of a complete girl sadist. Yet, she doesn’t even know that she’s trying to dominate the relationship with her tricky games with her boyfriend.

We may never know it but we all have the ability to execute our hidden sadism or masochism traits. Just a single thread to pull and you can definitely turn yourself into either the one who dominates or the submissive girl, without even knowing it. Next time you see yourself pulling up some strings on how you deal your relationship, try to list them and narrow it down to see which side are you on.